An Imbalance of Power

One of the most pleasant definitions of D/s I've ever heard is "a mutually agreed-upon imbalance of power and authority". So that's my favorite starting point talking about D/s. It's two (possibly more) people who have agreed-upon a relationship where the authority, or power, is unequal. In ways they agree they are unequal. Because any two people are going to come to different agreements, each D/s relationship is going to look different. So yes, 'figure it out for yourselves' is the general rule.

But let's talk about some starting points. It's a broad topic, so let's break it up a little bit. You've got a play-scene D/s dynamic, that may only be relevant for the time of a scene. And then you've got a D/s relationship, which implies something more lasting. You can also look at it as a service dynamic versus an action dynamic. Either length of D/s could include either or both of these. There's so much mix-and-matching that can be done for the relationship.

In a kinkplay-scene, I would suggest that a service dynamic would look like a massage, fetching toys for the dom, cleaning up after the scene, and stuff like that. But an action dynamic would look more like the sub being ordered to hold a position, or to take some sort of pain they don't like in order to please their top.

In a relationship, a service dynamic might include tasks/homework, a workout schedule, check-in times, housekeeping, or other things. An action dynamic might involve sitting at the dom's feet, behavior rules when among kinksters, certain terms of address, things like that.

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So let's say I go to the kink club with my boy (my term for my submissive). He carries in my bag for me and puts it away while I check in. We go sit down and he's sitting on the floor at my feet and I pet on him while I negotiate a scene with a top I'm going to play with. I get thirsty, and send my boy to grab my water for me.

When my scene starts, my boy is free to go socialize until we're done. My top starts the scene by having me kneel and hold my hands out for him to attach cuffs on me. Not long after we start, he's shoving me against the wall and telling me what he's going to do to me. I squeeze out a 'Yes, Sir' that pleases him, and he moves on to doing some impact play with me. His submissive stands nearby, handing him the toys he wants, and putting them away when he's done. I start to move to a new position, and he growls at me that I'd better hold still, or else...

When we are done with our scene, my top holds me and tells me I was a good girl. He orders me to drink some water while we aftercare, and of course I obey him. Then he tells me to get dressed, and I do. While we are doing our aftercare, my boy and his sub are cleaning up our scene-space. When we're done, we separate, me going to cuddle with my boy, and him going to play another scene with his sub. When we're ready to go home, I don't feel like driving, so my boy drives me home.

So there's several examples of some D/s behavior, in and out of a scene, and both service and action. See how much you can pick out. There's D/s with me & my boy, my top & his sub, my top & me - all different relationships and actions.