Building Your Basic Toybag

 If you’re new to BDSM, one of the first tasks you’ll face is assembling a collection of devious devices with which to tease, torment, and titillate your partners. So how do you go about putting together your first toybag without breaking the bank or getting ripped off? 

This presentation is done with a pile of toys and supplies spread out in front of me. Which means you don't get the slide deck here, just some of the discussion. But I have linked to a few products and pages to give you an idea, visually, of what you're looking for. Please note that I am not endorsing any particular products unless so noted. You can take a peek at my sample Amazon toybag shopping list at tinyurl.com/meronym-toybag, where I chose the purple options where I could. By shopping in multiple locations (including your own home), though, you can easily spend half what you would buying things off that list.

What Is A Basic Toybag?

If you're just starting out (or starting over), there's no reason to spend a lot of money buying one (or two) of everything. Instead, you can very easily put together a basic toybag that will be sufficient for most play scenes. As you gain experience (and opportunities arise), you can customize your toybag by taking away things you haven't used and adding things you've learned to love. As you gain experience, your toybag will become more of a 'thuddy bag' or 'stingy bag' and more of a 'topping bag' or 'bottoming bag', depending on your tastes. Or maybe you'll want to have two bags (or more).

A basic toybag is a good idea whether you're a Top or a Bottom.

There's no reason to expect the top to provide all the goodies. A good bottom will have their own collection of things they like to have used on them. Some things should often be provided by and kept by the bottom - things that get bodily fluids on them and in them, like sex toys, blindfolds, or gags. Other things should be in the top's toybag - things that take more precise skill, like whips. Each throws differently, and needs to be practiced by that top. But everyone should have some of their favorite toys, and some that can be used for a variety of scenes.

Many things can be bought very cheaply. 

If you have a tack store available, definitely go there, or visit a Tractor Supply Company (TSC). The hardware store is also a great source. There's a reason why we call it 'Dom Depot'. Military & Police Supply stores. Toy stores. Medical supplies are usually most easily bought online; Amazon asks no questions. And finally, hit the Goodwill, or your very own kitchen, for a selection of pervertables. 

Things to consider about pervertables:

• How easily will it break? 
• If it breaks, will it splinter and be dangerous to the bottom?
• How easily can I clean this item?
• Am I going to miss this in my kitchen?
• Will storage be a concern?

There are some things you should NOT buy low-budget.

Leather items like floggers and whips are foremost. Do not buy them at the adult toy store like you might a vibrator. You want to first feel a lot of floggers or whips and learn about the differences between them. And then you want to invest good money in them. Talk to people in the community to find a good vendor. Restraints are another area you want to spend a little more on. A restraint that breaks the first time someone wears it is a waste of money. DO NOT buy handcuffs at the adult toy store. In fact, don't buy handcuffs at all at first. Use rope - it can be cut off if you make a mistake. The other thing you're likely to spend some money on is some sort of 'kit'. A violet wand kit or a vacuum cupping kit, for example. But kits can wait until you find out what you really want to carry around and play with.

What goes in my basic toybag?

Let's start very simply. What's the first thing you want to use in a scene? Your hands. Your hands are very versatile. Thuddy, stingy, harsh, gentle, caressing, hurting, threatening. You can stop there, if you wish. If you're going to use your hands a lot, the most basic things I'm going to recommend are some gloves (I prefer deerhide), a Wartenburg wheel, and some rope (don't forget safety shears for the rope). Oh, and a bag of some sort to carry them. There's your basic-basic toybag, and you're ready to go.

So let's get a bag to fill up. 

I suggest starting with a rolling suitcase. You can also use a backpack, duffle bag, guitar case, or a rifle case. Anything that can securely hold all your stuff. I like things with wheels, because it gets heavy. Make sure it has a large compartment for the large toys, but also has some sort of accommodation for small items too. Consider avoiding the color black for your bag; everybody has a black bag. Mine is red - and easier to find on the rack. Don't spend too much on a bag; you'll quickly find it to be too small, or the wrong shape. Goodwill often has rolling luggage for under $10 each.

Bondage

Bondage is a great way to start playing. It works well with other kinds of play, or can be a scene in itself. Rope is your first (and often last) bondage item. There are lots of types of rope to use; if you're a rope enthusiast, you'll want a lot of different kinds of rope. But for beginner/basic rope, just go to the hardware store and get some basic 1/4-inch or 1/2-inch braided cotton, nylon, poly, or poly/nylon rope. It's washable (throw it in a lingerie bag), and it's cheap, so if you have to cut it off, that's fine. I've had luck buying boat rope at yard sales. Feel the rope, rub it up and down your arm. You want something that feels soft, and doesn't tear your skin. As you wash it a few times, it will get softer.

Remember I said no handcuffs? And restraints are something you'll spend some better money on later. So what else can you use? Be wary of duct tape - you'll rip skin off, if you're not careful. But plastic wrap is a great alternative to rope. It's a very different kind of restraint, and you get to cut it off and throw it away when you're done. Get the food-grade plastic wrap. You can also use it as a fluid barrier (avoid the microwave-breathable stuff).

Another option is vet wrap - buy it at TSC or online. Don't spend more than two or three dollars a roll for it. It's very breathable, and it comes in lots of colors and patterns.

Also, get some paracord. It's thin, so it's not useful for as many things, but it's cheap and fun to work with. Also, you can make toys out of it.

EMT shears are an absolute must if you are doing any kind of bondage. Have two pair - one in your toybag, and one within reach when you are doing any kind of rope-work. Or any alternative bondage. A knife is just not as safe or quick to use as the safety shears. They aren't expensive, and many rope vendors will send you a pair with your order.

Sensory Play

Once you have someone bound up, a little sensory play is great fun. Blocking one sense heightens the others, and lets you play with anticipation, and trust, and guessing games. First you'll want a blindfold. You can get some nice leather ones, but the cheap sleep masks work just as well. I prefer this contoured sleep mask. I buy multiples so that if I give someone one to use, it's theirs. Some simple earplugs are around a dollar a pair.

Anything soft & fuzzy (and washable) is great for sensory play. Look for microfiber car-wash mitts at the dollar store. Clothespins are great. They always mean two phases of scene - putting them on, and taking them off. Once they've been on someone, they aren't really cleanable. So just give them to the person who wore them. Rubber bands of various sizes are great, too. I have a bunch left over from my daughter's hair stuff, and I like the hair bands, but other kinds are fine, too. And they fit really well over certain parts of the anatomy.

Stingy Toys

Paddles are the quintessential stingy toys, ranging in size from tiny toy paddles to a ping-pong paddle, up to the big beach paddles. You can get the same effect with wooden kitchen spoons or spatulas (but you may not want to then cook with them).

Paint stir sticks are free at the hardware or paint store, or you can spend a couple of bucks for a larger, sturdier version. Get these in pairs, or get more and glue them together. Along the same lines... drumsticks. A hairbrush may also suit, but be sure that it has a fully wooden body, not a come-apart plastic body that's going to splinter and cut. One leather item you may want to buy even for an early toybag is a horse crop. You can find them under $20 at TSC.

Thuddy Toys

My favorite toys of all, that I think everyone should own, are the foam bats. Walmart, in season, carries the ones I like best (by Franklin Sports). But try different ones to get some variety. You can make plenty of noise, get lots of thud, and have a lot of fun. Be sure to get at least two at a time.

But the best thuddy toy you have is your hands. Hands can be stingy, but you can also get a variety of gloves to put on them. Go to the hardware store or TSC and fondle the work gloves - especially look for deerskin. It may take a few trips to find ones you like. The tack stores have nice gloves. And try some boxing gloves, too. Or sap gloves, for some weight.

Also, if you have some stingy toys that you'd like to make more thuddy, you can put a sock or something over them to mute the sting a bit.

Sharp Things

I'm not going to recommend a lot of sharp objects for a basic toybag. If you're into the sharp things, you'll figure that out. But a large knife that's been dulled can be a lot of fun (I have a knock-off kabar that I've dulled with a dremel tool. Not good for cutting - great to scare someone). But what you can add that's sharp is that Wartenberg wheel I mentioned earlier. These are medical tools - buy them online, not at the adult toy store or the kink places.

Other things you'll run across over time to use for sharps might include meat shredder claws, various daggers and knives, or even barbeque tools!

Sex Stuff and Multi-Purpose Items

This section of your toybag is going to be highly personalized, but include at least a variety of condoms and lube. And a little vibrator bullet - that can be used non-sexually as well. For instance, touch it to some clothespins for an extra buzz. I make and keep a bottle of massage oil in my bag - good for sexy massages, yes, but also good for aftercare on broken skin.  And disposable gloves (non-latex just in case). Good for fisting, medical play, inserting other things into, sensation play, clean-up, or for dialing down the intensity for the top when playing with a violet wand.

Clean-up and Aftercare Supplies

A small first-aid pack is a good idea. Bandaids, medical tape & gauze, alcohol pads, hand sanitizer. All can be used in-scene as well as for actual first aid. Hand sanitizer does the cleaning job of alcohol on skin, but it hurts a lot more - use it during the scene to ramp things back up, but use the alcohol during aftercare (or the massage oil). Disinfectant wipes are a good choice if your playspace doesn't provide reliable cleaning supplies.

For aftercare, you may need to have more or less in your bag depending on where you are playing. Basics to consider would be a small blanket, a bottle of water, a protein bar, and/or some hard candies for a quick sugar fix.

Care of Your Toys

It's important to keep your toys clean. Every time they are used, toys need to be cared for. But the more you clean them, the more wear you're putting on them. Keep a balance in mind for this.

Minimal Effort

Some items are simply use-and-discard, like plastic wrap or clothespins. Buy these items cheap and use them generously.

Other items really can't be cleaned reliably. Unsealed wood, like paint sticks, natural rope that's crotch-rope, things that get blood or tears or other body fluids on them - these all become personal toys for the bottom that used them.

Low Effort

Many items can be put in the dishwasher, like your wartenberg wheel, some knives, and kitchen spoons.

Some items will go into the laundry. Poly/nylon rope can go in a lingerie bag into the laundry. Wash your fuzzy item and your blanket whenever they get used.

But there are two things that are great for killing off all the microscopic bugs that might cling to our toys. One is time. Those bugs live on and in people. They die off after a while on the toys. The other is ultraviolet light. Find a private spot to spread your toys out in the sunlight for a day to kill off lots of bad stuff.

Chemical Cleaning

The next level of cleaning involves disinfectants. Read up on disinfectants here. An alcohol solution in a spray bottle is your first basic option, followed by a hydrogen peroxide or bleach solution. I would suggest buying a premixed hospital-grade disinfectant to spray down your toys. Remember that spraying it all down isn't enough; everything needs to air-dry for a few minutes before being bundled back up into your toybag.

Leather calls for special cleaning, as the cleaning process itself will break down the leather a little bit. You can use the chemical cleaners, or you can clean with leather or suede cleaner as appropriate. You may then want to condition the leather. Talk to your local bootblack or leather enthusiast for more direction.

Storage

You can't be playing all the time, so how can you take care of the toys you have? Just storing them neatly will go a long way toward keeping your toys in good shape. Hang things up to get airflow and/or sunlight when you can.

Floggers and whips should never be tossed haphazardly into a toybag. They snarl and get caught on other toys and rip and get knots in them. Ideally, they should be hung loosely to let the falls lay naturally. If you can't do that, a simple cloth napkin wrapped around the falls will keep it from getting tangled up. Or a sock, or even a leather bag made specially to baby your flogger. Whips should be only loosely coiled.

Liquids are a dangerous thing to have with your leather and wood toys. If there's a spill, more than your feelings might be hurt. Use small amounts of liquids in sealed bottles, and then put those sealed bottles into a sealed plastic bag. Another reason to use small amounts is to prevent denaturing, where the liquid changes properties. Alcohol or bleach, for example, loses strength when stored, because every time the bottle is open a little more evaporates.

Now Personalize It!

So now you have a basic toybag. You should be able to put the whole thing together for $150 to $300, with a little creativity and patience. Don't spend a lot on any one thing at first, and plan to adjust as you go along. Ask other kinksters to show you what's in their bag, and take note of things you like and don't like when you're playing. Reorganize (and clean) everything periodically and rotate out some different toys. Gradually, you'll find your bag becoming more customized to what you like to do.

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Thank you for reading through this presentation. If you have comments, suggestions, questions, or corrections, please leave a comment, or you can email me at meronym@myself.com or send me a message on FetLife. You may link this presentation anywhere it may be useful for educational purposes (no media).