Sunday, May 26, 2024

Scene Negotiation Checklists

There are a lot of scene negotiation checklists out there on the internet. None of them are perfect. All of them are starting points for improved, more in-depth negotiations. If you're an experienced kinkster planning a simple scene, they probably aren't really needed. 

But if you're newer to negotiating for yourself, they can be a great tool. Not just for the negotiation itself, but for preparing to negotiate. Going through some of these checklists while thinking about what you really want - and don't want - with your upcoming partner in your mind, can really help you understand yourself better. And the better you understand how you feel about different things, the better you can communicate that to your partner.

And for experienced kinksters or settled partners, using a negotiation checklist can help you open up your mind to kinds and modes of play beyond what you usually do. They can be an 'ideas menu' to work through together.

I've collected a few sample checklists for BDSM/Kink play here as negotiation tools. You may find that whole sections of them don't apply to you or your scene, while others may make you rethink what you thought you wanted to do. None of these belong to me; this is just a reference list. If you have a checklist that you like that's not on here, please let me know!

Seekers BDSM Checklist - http://www.seekers.org.uk/BDSM%20CHECKLIST.pdf

Kink Weekly's Negotiation Checklist - https://www.kinkweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/BDSM-negotiation-checklist.pdf

Negotiation Starter from The Duchy - https://www.theduchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Negotiation-Starter-v2.1-General-TheDuchy.pdf

AMischiefManaged's Negotiations Form - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1MxxXuewHS4ksgOvuoTRlFKkJgBXxd9rH/view

Evil Monk's BDSM Play Partner Check List - https://www.evilmonk.org/a/checklist.cfm

Kinky Cast - Tools - https://kinkycast.com/tools.html

Rain City Pick-Up Play Sheet - https://raincitytng.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/negotiation9-25-15.pdf

Jay Wiseman's D/s Scene Negotiation Checklist - https://occs.cs.oberlin.edu/~dockhorn/jay.pdf (18 pages, with some outdated terminology/concepts)

another version of the Jay Wiseman Negotiation Form

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