Consent Models

One of the things you'll hear discussed over and over again in the Kink community is Consent. Everything we do revolves around the concept of Consent, and you'll rarely encounter any kind of Kink Education that doesn't have at least a quick mention of Consent, Respect, and Negotiation, which are all very inter-related concepts. 

One of the ways we talk about Consent is to present various Consent Models to give a structure to how we discuss the concept. There are a lot of different models in use, and they all really come down to saying the same thing - "be sure that everyone involved in your kinkplay understands what's included and the risks they are taking, and agrees to participate without any coercion."

Consent Openers

- "Can I kiss you?"

- "Do you want me to hold you against the wall?"

- "I'd like to touch your boobs."

- "Can we talk about spanking?"

- "Please do that again."

Finding Your Limits

When I teach my basics classes, especially Dungeon Essentials, we'll talk about limits, and I'll go around the room asking attendees to volunteer their Soft and Hard Limits. There are two answers I always hope to get..

"I don't have any limits."

That's when I offer to grab the giant bolt cutters and ask which toe they'd like to have removed; suddenly, they have limits. 'No Limits' is a very appealing idea for someone who is new, often with the intention of meaning, 'I trust you to be reasonable.' But you can't put the whole burden on your play partner, especially since you don't know what my version of 'reasonable' might be. You need to have an idea of what you do and don't want to do. But that often leads to the other favorite answer...