Consent Openers

- "Can I kiss you?"

- "Do you want me to hold you against the wall?"

- "I'd like to touch your boobs."

- "Can we talk about spanking?"

- "Please do that again."

Fifty Shades of Popular

When Fifty Shades of Grey came out in 2011, it rocketed to the top of all the book lists. A movie came out. More books, more movies. Everyone read it, everybody was talking about it. Not everyone loved it; plenty of people hated it. But they all knew about it.

So it's not surprising that from time to time, as a kink educator and an author, I get asked my opinion about Fifty Shades. I think it's usually expected that I will straight up trash it as a Terrible Thing that exists which I'd like to wipe out. However, I'm not typically one to do something just because it's expected.

Community Essentials with Meronym

 

Just playing around with a few images here that I made for the Facebook Page, and a splash screen that I've added to the end of each presentation.

Play Guides

One of the things I've talked about with other kinky folk lately is 'Play Guides'. Many of us have a writing up on FetLife describing how we play. It's a resource for potential play partners to check out and get a feel for whether they want to talk to you about play. But even better, it's a tool for you, the writer, to examine your play desires. The process of writing things out means a lot of self-examination and definition of what you want out of play as well as what you offer. Because knowing how you play and what motivates you will lead to better play - for you and your partners.

Finding Your Limits

When I teach my basics classes, especially Dungeon Essentials, we'll talk about limits, and I'll go around the room asking attendees to volunteer their Soft and Hard Limits. There are two answers I always hope to get..

"I don't have any limits."

That's when I offer to grab the giant bolt cutters and ask which toe they'd like to have removed; suddenly, they have limits. 'No Limits' is a very appealing idea for someone who is new, often with the intention of meaning, 'I trust you to be reasonable.' But you can't put the whole burden on your play partner, especially since you don't know what my version of 'reasonable' might be. You need to have an idea of what you do and don't want to do. But that often leads to the other favorite answer...

An Imbalance of Power

One of the most pleasant definitions of D/s I've ever heard is "a mutually agreed-upon imbalance of power and authority". So that's my favorite starting point talking about D/s. It's two (possibly more) people who have agreed-upon a relationship where the authority, or power, is unequal. In ways they agree they are unequal. Because any two people are going to come to different agreements, each D/s relationship is going to look different. So yes, 'figure it out for yourselves' is the general rule.